Before and After: Negotiating Your Salary Offer via Email
When a client comes to me for salary negotiation help, the biggest hurdle I cross with them is confidence. Whether you are being offered a job or whether you are in the process of negotiating a raise, you will need leverage to fight for your pay increase.
This leverage is almost always the value you bring to the team and the company, which includes your skill, previous (and potential) accomplishments, commitment to the company, proven fair-market value as an objective candidate, and other factors that contribute to your case, such as location or consistent positive performance reviews/awards. To use this leverage to your advantage, you need confidence.
What I attempt to show with the following before-and-after example is the difference in confidence within the tone, numbers, and conclusion. Take note of the strength of the “After” example, which makes a stronger case for a higher salary.
I am delighted to receive a job offer from Kandella and would like to reiterate my interest in the Senior Analyst position. You told me to email with any questions. I sat down and thought through the salary information. At present, I am three months away from completing my master’s degree. With this degree, I anticipate a promotion at my current organization which will include a salary increase to approximately $75k.
Furthermore, the Senior Analyst position will require that I purchase a PATH train pass in addition to my monthly MTA Metro Card, adding approximately $1,100/year (given no fair increases) to my annual travel expenses.
Because of these two factors, I am hoping for a salary closer to $90k. Is there anything you can do? Please let me know.
Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me this morning. I am delighted to receive a job offer from Kandella and would like to reiterate my interest in the Senior Analyst position. I would like to follow up with a question regarding the compensation package.
At present, I am three months away from completing my master’s degree. With this degree, I anticipate a promotion at my current organization, which will include a salary increase to approximately $90k. In addition, commuting to the Kandella office in New York will require that I purchase a PATH train pass in addition to my monthly MTA Metro Card, adding approximately $1,100/year (given no fare increases) to my annual travel expenses. I am aware that the office may move to White Plains, although from what I understand, the location is not definite nor is the move date.
After reviewing the average annual salary for this position adjusted for the local variance in New York, NY, the two factors described above, as well as reaffirming the value and strong work ethic I can bring to the Kandella team, I feel that my fair-market value base compensation is $90k. Thank you for your consideration, and I would welcome the opportunity to discuss with you today or next week.
Notice the difference? The “After” example makes a significantly stronger case for a higher salary.
With over 8 years of experience helping others improve their careers, I founded Unfold Careers to provide affordable career advice to students and professionals struggling to meet their career goals. Email email@example.com for help negotiating your salary offer.